I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
