do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
