we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
