shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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