Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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