so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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