im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize