He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
