people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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