I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
