just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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