I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
