i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
