I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
