So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
