Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
