my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
