okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
