I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
