Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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