i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
