JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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