I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
