3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
