Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
