Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
