he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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