I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
