Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
