I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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