lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
