You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
