Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
