I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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