38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
