I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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