so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
