Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
high people should be assigned attendants
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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