i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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