I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize