Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
