I am in a vortex of obligation.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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