please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
