dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
