I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
