Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize