He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
