i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it glows. i had to have it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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