I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
