her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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