Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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