When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
