i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize