i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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