Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
