remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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