It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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