Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
