I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
