well he's currently spooning the coffee table
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
