Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
